This is the same drill as before; ideas that have been bouncing around in my head that warrant some discussion, though I’m unable to stretch out into full length articles on their own. I know, I know: at this rate I’ll never become a bearded James Altucher, or even reach a million words. Well, my disappointed reader, feel free to sharpen your pitchfork as I share some more Scraps From the Cutting Room Floor!
The POTUS Should Not Have to Walk
Pundits (eww…pundits) from both sides of the radicalization spectrum have critiqued Biden and Trump’s limited mobility. Such clips such as Donald Trump struggling to walk down a mild decline or Biden struggling with stairs leading to Air Force One have served as pundit fodder (seriously, get a real job), with many of these losers quipping about the state of the President’s health. However, these 75-IQ quips miss the point entirely; the President should not have to exert himself unless he desires to do so. In this way, he would ideologically stand beside his fellow Americans.
The President is already barred from driving on public roads by the Secret Service for safety concerns. So why should we stop the outsourcing of the President’s navigation there? I’ve already outlined that age discrimination at the polls is bad, so we should accommodate a President whose inactivity matches that of the average American. Given how our population is rapidly aging and that we are only getting fatter, we need to account for this demographic shift in how we engineer the White House. Donald Trump caught a lot of flak during his time spent as President for his nutritionally poor diet, and before I get accused of bias by the radicals, so didn’t Bill Clinton. However, there is an uncomfortable truth that needs to be confronted with this; they aren’t too different from the typical American. We need to take steps to tailor the working conditions of the job to future U.S Presidents.
For example, rather than make snide comments about the POTUS’s struggles to walk down a ramp, why can we not just provide the President with an electric wheelchair to begin with? It’s merely just one more electric wheelchair that the government pays for already, so truthfully, I’m not seeing an issue with that. We are the most developed nation on Earth; we surely have the engineering prowess to install a proper ramp up to the entrance of Air Force One as well. Besides, we’ve already had a mobility-challenged President, so there should be no issue regarding precedent. As a society, we are clearly okay with able-bodied people using these devices since nearly every Wal-Mart in America has loaner scooters for customers to use. In case you didn’t realize this, the brain is calorically expensive; every calorie the POTUS spends walking is a calorie that isn’t spent on navigating the intricacies of tariff wars or negotiating treaties. It’s time we free up precious cognitive real estate for our leaders by supplying them with an electric scooter upon taking the Oath of Office.
Ask any DEI professional and they’ll tell you that representation matters; we need to be able to see those who resemble us in aspirational roles in order for us to achieve more. Therefore, a scooter-piloting and junk food inhaling President would do wonders in repairing the cultural gap between our ruling elites in Washington and the typical American. Bonus points would be given to a President that would both use a scooter to get around and outsource his blood sugar regulation to an automated insulin pump. The President has better things to do than to regulate his own blood sugar levels; besides what is he going to do? Watch what he eats? Nonsense!
Re-engineering the life of the President wouldn’t even be all that difficult to do. It’s not all that difficult to get something trivial declared as a so-called threat to national security. After all, here’s a Lieutenant General calling obese children a threat to national security, so literally anything can be declared a threat to national security. The President potentially falling down some stairs or twisting an ankle could result in a transfer of Executive power and thus disrupt Washington. Therefore, we would need a relatively sedentary President to declare that stairs, walking, and steep inclines or declines as a threat to national security in order to enact sweeping change without the backing of Congress.
Making the President exert himself is simply Un-American!
An Ode to Naps
I’ll let you in on a secret: I love naps. Ever since I was a teenager, I have been prone to grabbing afternoon naps whenever the situation has allowed for it. However, this habit of mine has drawn scrutiny over the years from those close to me; numerous friends of mine have referred to me as an old man for enjoying catching the occasional mid-day shuteye. However, they miss one important detail; naps are a badge of honor.
As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, my napping habit started as a teenager; I was a perennial three-sport athlete in high school. This meant long days in the weight room, swimming pool, discus cage and on the football field. The pace was utterly relentless as my high school had a reputation for being a former athletic powerhouse; load management was against their religion. Thus, on weekends I was prone to catching a few extra Z’s while on the couch or in the backseat during a long road trip; my body needed the extra recovery time. This trend continued well into college; not only was I becoming a Super Saiyan but I also took on a STEM degree while I was at it, which entailed a lot of sub-eight hour nights (you know, because I’m a “try-hard”). My lesser-motivated peers seemingly did not need to recharge as often as I did; after all, they skipped leg day so they had plenty of energy remaining. My love of naps has continued to the modern day, in fact, I had a 90-minute catnap just yesterday!
The thing is, I’m not alone in my love of naps. Tech companies are known for offering sleep pods to their employees. The inclusion of nap spaces in the workplace signifies a massive movement in how our culture views naps; they are now socially accepted. Workplaces aren’t the only ones that have them either; they’re becoming a fixture at airports as well. In fact, those who nap frequently ought to be commended for physically and mentally pushing themselves past their previous limits. Bosses who find their employees napping on the job should award one-time bonuses to those found snoozing on the job, provided their timesheet and prior productivity warrant the energy expenditure. Upon the payout of this bonus, the executive should take some ownership and see what they can do to reduce the dedicated employees task load.
However, not all naps are created equal; a quality nap needs to be earned. Hitting your third leg day of the week or having an entrepreneurial zeal is grounds for a nap, a college student sleeping through math class because they’re bored and drank too much the night before doesn’t warrant a nap. Also, there are those who would shame their fellow nappers, as if catching a 15-minute recharge gives one the moral high ground over a 90-minute napper; hint: it doesn’t. Have some compassion for your fellow napper!
Count some extra sheep and you might just count some extra W’s!
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