It’s no secret that LinkedIn content has become a cesspool of self-flagellating trash over the last few years. However, LinkedIn’s unofficial appeal was essentially if you ever find yourself unemployed, you’ll be thankful if you have LinkedIn. At face value, this makes sense, there are lots of daily objects that serve no daily value but are best kept around for emergencies, such as fire extinguishers and EpiPen’s. However, as I’ve mentioned earlier, I was unemployed recently, thus LinkedIn had a prime opportunity to live up to this ethos. The opportunity for Blue-Reddit to shine was readily apparent; a high-interest rate market with layoffs aplenty and a candidate with a newly formed resume gap with zero discernible reason. The cards were not in my favor; thus, making it the perfect time to use a tool that allegedly works well in these situations.
Tone-deaf recruiter after tone-deaf recruiter called me, slinging dead-end opportunities. The platform’s job search function mostly shows you listings similar to what you’ve done in the past, thus helping to keep people railroaded into their current paths. One would think that a career-oriented site would know better than to assume that’s what everyone wants, but LinkedIn has made serious judgment mishaps before. I’ve had far more job-hunting success, in both my recent search and in searches of yesteryear, away from LinkedIn than I’ve had on it. I originally thought that LinkedIn was vital to my ability to accomplish my goals, though this recent episode showed me that wasn’t the case (not even close!). In short, LinkedIn talked a mighty talk, but when it came time to walk the walk, Reid Hoffman’s brainchild pulled a Dillon Danis.
The lesson that I’ve learned from my most recent job search is that I am the one that drives interactions, unturns stones, makes things happen and collects attention: not the platform. With that said, I’m taking a six-month leave from the website. On Cinco de Mayo (which isn’t a real holiday), I’ll make my final call as to whether I’ll go back or permanently delete the account. “But Dan, sometimes recruiters proactively reach out to highly qualified candidates such as yourself” a Microsoft drone will tell me. Yeah, no shit. You think that I don’t know that? I’ve been on the site for over a decade now, and it has happened to me all the time. Frequently, these reach-outs start off as promising before eventually leading nowhere. However, the site doesn’t punish the malicious or half-hearted actors (I would love to see LinkedIn penalize the bad eggs the same way Uber does!). Hence, there is no penalty for not keeping your word or not following through. “Well, you might miss out on your next big break! #FOMO!” the Microsoft drone will reply; I’ve been waiting for over a decade for that feature to be useful. Besides, sitting back and waiting is hardly the ideal move if you want to make a career happen; I prefer to play offense.
“But Dan, you’ll miss out on the latest industry trends!” one of Reid Hoffman’s lackeys will tell me. To quote Pete from Office Space “It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care”. The industry that I spent years studying in college and worked in for nearly a decade just doesn’t align with who I am. Thus, I’m looking to get out of the industry entirely; hopefully as a real writer.
“Well Dan, LinkedIn isn’t just about job hunting and recruiting; there are other uses for it too!” a shareholder will inevitably tell me. Yes, I’m well aware that salesmen and so-called thought leaders and LinkedInfluencers (barf) are abound on the website. However, I’m not getting what I want from the site: publishing contracts or venture capital. While I’m not Chriss Voss, a basic pro tip in any negotiation is to have something that the other side actually fucking wants. The party most willing to get up from the table and leave has all the power; they have nothing I want, ergo I am leaving. The overwhelming majority of LinkedIn’s ardent users have failed the great OG Brett McKay’s basic tenet of be useful.
“But Dan, what will you do if you want another job?” an angry HR rep will ask me. Simple, when I’m ready to be found, I will make myself visible once more. I won’t even need LinkedIn’s help to do that either. My resume, real-world network, and special sauce strategy is more than enough. Suffice it to say, I won’t be losing any sleep over this decision. After all, this has been my year of quitting bullshit that doesn’t serve me and Blue Reddit was next on the chopping block.
“But Dan, what about all of your homies?” an in-house psychologist for Blue Reddit will frantically proclaim, in a last-ditch gaslighting effort to prevent me from heading to the exit. My true homies have not, do not, nor will not give two flying fucks about my LinkedIn presence. “Dan, that’s not what I meant” the dopamine dope-fiend will retort. I know what you meant, lackey, so I’ll answer in earnest this time. Those I’ve grown professionally close to have my contact info and know about this blog, ergo if they actually have a once-in-a-lifetime job offer (hint: they won’t because there’s no such thing), they’ll be able to reach me.
“Oh yeah, tough guy! Well, if you permanently delete your account, you’ll lose all of those precious connections. Hence if you ever do come crawling back, you’ll have to rebuild from scratch all over again!” the reward system bandit will claim. That has got to be one of the least fear-inducing threats that I’ve ever received. Deleting a social media profile doesn’t magically erase people, or the impact that I’ve made on their lives (and vice-versa) like a Thanos finger-snap, you fucking 75-IQ moron. I could hypothetically, as you just mentioned, start over. And if The Man Himself could come back from near homelessness to regain his multi-millionaire status, then I could easily rebuild a secondary network.
If you’re going to get limbically-hijacked, at least get something out of it…
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