I have yet another secret to confess, though this one is much more blatant; I absolutely love to wear ties. Truthfully, I wear them every chance I get, often times fishing for an excuse to do so. There’s just an unnamed, unquantifiable mental boost I get from wearing them; it’s like Super Saiyan but for confidence, public speaking and overall swagger. However, recently I came to the realization that a man does not need a reason to wear a tie. Sadly though, my sentiments are far from the cultural norm, and tie culture is seemingly on the endangered species list.
Admittedly, my first memorable experience with ties was an overwhelmingly negative one. It was the final day of sixth grade and hence was “graduation” (because we were going to a different school). They had a pseudo-ceremony for us before letting us leave early. I had no idea how to tie a tie, and hence ended up rocking one that was a bit too tight and as a result my neck hurt for the next few days. Fast forward to high school, and I wore a tie only when absolutely required to; the emotional scar tissue from my sixth-grade finale still hadn’t fully healed by that point. High school graduation day rolled around, and I still had yet to learn how to properly tie one on my own; I had to search for one of my peers who worked at the local grocery store to help me out.
College is when my tie-wearing habit truly began to blossom. I was a broke 18-year-old and I needed a job as a freshman. A few hours before my interview, I was looking up tutorials on YouTube on how to tie a tie and I was practicing it in the mirror. I figured out to do it by complete accident and it seemed like something just clicked. From then on, despite my disgraceful obesity at the time and my abhorrent poverty, I reveled in the opportunities where I got to wear one. I wore a tie to a recruiting event that the club I was in hosted, and received many kudos for my attire. On another occasion, I wore a tie and stood authoritatively at the entrance of the school’s hockey rink and women approached me thinking I was the building manager. Talk about a clout magnet!
During my dropout year (a story for another time), I got a job in a small laboratory near home; it was the first step in my big-boy career (no, not that one). I was dirt poor and wore essentially whatever I had to work, though on days when the company had VIP visitors, I’d always wear a tie. Again, I got a lot of kudos from most of the company when I wore a tie, despite being the low-man on the totem pole. The Vice President of the company would signal through the window into the lab that my tie had earned the Official BigWig Seal of Approval.
However, not all at the company were impressed with my tie game. An elder statesman at the company was a full-time employee and part-time men’s style guru, and he became my pro bono fashion advisor. He imparted much of his tie-related wisdom to early-20’s me; everything from proper color pairings to the pitfalls of relying too much on a half-Windsor knot. A few days after these discussions I’d arrive to work to be greeted by a plastic bag with my name on it; the contents were ties. Another tie-tutor at this company brought in a box full of ties and was willing to give me whatever ties from the box I wanted; his generosity also aligned with his need to clear out closet space. As I aged at that company, we hired another newbie who was a bow-tie enthusiast, and many of us turned to Formal Fridays at the workplace. Tie culture is one hell of a drug!
After that, I started traveling. My first few times leaving the country, I experienced a less-than-amicable welcome upon my re-entry to the United States. Despite the fact that I’m a law-abiding citizen of the U.S., I was profiled and told to step out of line for a fourth-amendment-violating search. With all due respect to the Marine Corp, these glorified hall monitors are the true misguided children of Drunk Uncle Sam. The crooked and overfunded bureaucrat would then ask a long list of invasive questions as he probed my belongings, despite my adherence to the law. However, rather than complain into a void, I started taking proactive steps to protect my Fourth Amendment rights from Drunk Uncle Sam’s goonies. Besides voting Libertarian and packing my bags so that all of the dirty laundry is on top, I started wearing a tie every time I fly. While it has yet to score me the big upgrade to First Class by an airliner, the shirt-and-tie has been a great Kncukledragger Repellent; I’ve yet to be searched or questioned when donned in a tie at the airport.
Roughly a year ago, I had to buy a new car due to an accident. While I was in love with my first ever Volkswagen (another story for a later time), I had to accept the reality of my situation and find a new set of wheels. As luck would have it, a low mileage Golf GTI was available at an Audi dealership near me. After a satisfactory test drive and a thumbs-up (no, not that kind) from my trusty mechanic, the GTI was mine. The black-on-black German car was the model that I’ve lusted over for years, and it was finally mine. Sporadically, I still enjoy the punchy engine on desolate highways (disclaimer: within the bounds of the law!), and wearing a tie when I do so makes me feel like goddamn Jason Statham from the set of The Transporter movies.
Wearing a tie also scores a ton of social deference points. I’ve noticed a handful of times that I’ve gone to the grocery store rocking a tie, I received a ton of social deference. People moved out of my way in an apologetic manner. Folks have offered me their place in line, assuming that I have somewhere more important to be; in reality, I was merely on my way home. The social deference perk works best when a man stands up straight with his shoulders back. Colleagues have told me in the past that I strut when I walk and I took it as a compliment, unlike Harry Potter. Wearing a tie along with a confident stride has been almost a social cheat code. This benefit is hard for other male-oriented accessories to match, and that isn’t a pot-shot towards those with Jesus pieces or nice watches.
It’s not just men’s accessories that have a hard time competing with the tie, women’s secondary gear has a hard time competing with the tie as well. That screeching noise that you’re hearing is the sound of everyone collectively sharpening their pitchforks. “But Dan, what about high heels? High heels make women more attractive!” female readers of mine will say (HA! I don’t have female readers!). While that may be true, ties do not cause long-lasting, painful and expensive orthopedic damage with frequent use. Once again, the tie reigns supreme.
Thankfully, the tie has started to experience a bit of a renaissance. Lex Fridman is a great podcaster that is frequently known for wearing a tie both on set and when he’s out-and-about. Pitbull is similarly known for rocking a tie in his music videos and his in-person events. Hopefully as more influential young men wear ties outside of strictly-formal events, this will encourage their fans (mostly younger men) to don a tie as well. Personally, I can’t wait for that norm to take over.
However, I’d be lying if I said that everything was hunky-dory in the land of ties. Rather than sporting ties, today’s young men are much more inclined to wear a pair of novelty dress socks (Gasp!). With all due respect to Robert Griffin III, novelty dress socks are vastly inferior to ties. Novelty dress socks may be alluring to a passerby with low self-confidence as their eyes drift towards the floor, but ties are intended to keep the eyes of others front and center. While novelty socks admittedly imbue a sense of humor and lightheartedness, they lack the formality of ties. A moment of humor is fleeting while an atmosphere of professionalism lingers. Thus, ties have a staying power that goofy socks cannot match. Finally, many brands of novelty socks are not known for their durability, thus limiting their lifespan. The trusty tie can be worn hundreds of times over with no issues. Consider the gauntlet thrown, Mr. Griffin!
Furthermore, ties seem to be under attack from mainstream society. Those who rock a t-shirt and jeans rarely get peppered with questions regarding their wardrobe choice, ditto for cargo shorts. Believe me, I have nothing against t-shirts or cargo shorts (those in my inner circle can verify that claim), though society has become over-run with men who solely identify as a t-shirts and jeans guy. However, men who wear ties in a context that isn’t immediately obvious (like a wedding) seem to attract questions such as what are you all dressed up for? as if the tie is suspicious or something. Let’s build a society in which the intentions of a tie are not constantly scrutinized, much like the well-deserving chicken.
Lastly, tie culture is under attack from slow-moving yet titanic societal forces; low birth rates, fatherlessness and a lack of male role models/mentors in society. Firstly, if the declining birth rate continues on its current trend, then we will experience a much smaller population of young men. This means that there will be far fewer young men to continue on the tradition of rocking a sweet tie even when “the occasion does not call for it”. The rise of fatherless homes in the United States also threatens tie culture because this is a habit that boys and young men typically inherit from their fathers. Ergo, less fathers in the home would mean less men wearing ties in a few generations. Lastly, the lack of male mentorship in America (whether that be in the form of male teachers, youth sports coaches, after-school counselors, etc) is an existential threat to tie culture. This is because of boys with absent fathers could, in the past, approach a male teacher or other such figure for tie-troubleshooting. However male teachers are pretty rare now as are male community service volunteers, hence boys with absent fathers are less likely to learn how to wear a tie. Something tells me that Andrew Tate isn’t interested in teaching his impressionable followers on how to properly wear a tie. If we as the current men of society do nothing to cure these social ailments, then we will lose tie culture forever.
Wear a tie; you don’t need a reason to do so…
Home Page 