Divorce; it’s not the taboo that it once was. Whether you’re Larry King or an absolute purist, there is no denying that divorce is a facet of our modern world as half of these contracts wind up getting dissolved. Let’s not forget that divorce lawyers have bills to pay as well, and nothing in this world is free. Since women initiate the divorce 70% of the time, I’ll be focusing on how divorce lawyers can secure female clients more efficiently. I’ll mostly refer to women as customers and I’ll use a lot of sales-heavy language (I can’t wait to break the bot on this one!) in this article because, let’s be honest, that’s how the divorce attorney’s view women. Thus, I’m merely going to accept reality rather than pouting it should be different when I know the incentive structure doesn’t currently favor an attitude change. Admittedly, I’m no lawyer (hashtag disclaimer!) though I’ve just noticed some major missed opportunities by divorce lawyers; I just hate seeing money left behind like that…
One idea for divorce lawyers is to set-up shop right next door to casinos. Massachusetts, one of the most liberal states in the nation and a bastion of consumer protection, has finally opened to gaming companies in the last few years. It doesn’t take a Nobel Prize in Economics to figure that problem gambling soon leads to financial stress. Financial disharmony is a common reason why married couples split. Thus, a practicing divorce attorney would do well to position themselves close to a gambling hotspot; the Mrs. can stop by on her way back home from picking up her soon-to-be-ex-husband after his fifth bender of the month!
Such gambling hotspots do not need to be casinos per se, as gambling can take many forms now. Divorce lawyers launching a firm near a horse and/or dog-racing track is also a wise move. The very reason these sports even exist in the first place is to facilitate gambling. Sharpen your pitchforks all you want but absolutely nobody goes to greyhound races for the love of the game like they do for NFL or NBA games. Thus, a divorce attorney looking to scoop up more clients should purchase some commercial real estate close to these tracks as well.
Of course, gambling is far from the only cause of divorce; infidelity is an obvious one as well (if you need a citation to support that claim, then put down the bowl of lead paint chips). I openly support sex work and would like to see it decriminalized. However, I’m not naïve enough to think that there wouldn’t be any impact on marriages; there absolutely would be. Thus, a savvy divorce lawyer looking to expand his clientele might want to look into starting an office near a brothel, massage parlor, or strip club (because, let’s face it, strippers frequently double as prostitutes).
However, this isn’t to say that these areas of sin are the only high-density places for an ambitious J.D to open up a law firm. Yoga studios and women’s-only gyms are fantastic breeding grounds for potential clients for a divorce attorney looking to rake in that sweet, sweet moolah. Women are generally more health conscious than men (I hope you were sitting down for that one), and hence a bit of clever marketing could come in handy here. Advertisements near these establishments pointing out that their husbands are only growing more of a beer belly while the women are literally working their buns off has a lot of potential upside in terms of increasing sales. Pools and tennis courts are also fine places for a divorce attorney to buy advertisement space.
Bookstores, especially independent ones (eww…disgusting!), are also great places for a divorce lawyer looking to net some positive cash flow. Bookstores tend to be in high foot-traffic areas in well-lit parts of town. Thus opening a divorce law firm near indie bookstores is a solid move because it would take advantage of some prime real estate, thus making it perfect for shepherding women in for a consultation. Ads along the lines of Your beer-swilling husband doesn’t pay attention anymore? We’ll listen to your complaints! Come in for a free consultation!
In fact, shopping places in general would be a great place for a divorce lawyer to start prospecting. Men, as a whole, loathe going to shopping malls and outdoor shopping outlets. Men tire of the activity after 26 minutes, while women can last up to two hours (hehe, phrasing!), thus it’s a space where you won’t find many men. This isn’t tied to just one culture either, shopping malls in Germany are known for their Männergarten areas; spaces where men can literally grab a beer and sit the shopping experience out while his soon-to-be-ex-wife maxes out the credit cards. Thus, posted advertisements such as He won’t notice the new outfit? that are out of the direct line-of-sight of the Mannergarten would work wonders for sweeping the ladies off their feet. A divorce lawyer operating near a beauty salon/spa would also corral in the clients as well, using much of the same marketing tactics. He never notices the new highlights? Come visit us today!
Although, this is the 21st century, and only advertising in the physical world is incredibly limiting. Thus, divorce lawyers would be wise to buy up advertising space in smartphone apps frequented by women as well. Apps such as Headspace are a great place to advertise because women are more likely to meditate than men, hence it’s a field that’s ripe for the picking. Female-exclusive apps, such as those that help women track their ovulation cycles, are a great place to generate more sales leads (for obvious reasons). As mentioned recently, women generally do not feel safe walking home by themselves. Thus, applications that help women avoid unsafe areas at night such as Safetipin would serve as fantastic investments of advertising dollars.
To quote a group of Australian philosophers “lock up your wife”…
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