We live in an increasingly cashless society. This has been a positive thing for the most part, as it has enabled the facilitation of transactions to occur where there was a previous barrier. One such example of this has been with vending machines; gone are the days when one had to pass on a convenient snack due to not having a George Washington in your pocket, or poor Mr. Washington being too crumpled for the archaic machine to accept. Going cashless has benefited the hungry American, the savvy entrepreneurial vending machine owner and (most importantly) the Junk Food Industrial Complex.
However, the breakneck pace of cashless transitions have not been evenly applied. At the risk of sounding like John Oliver (eww…pundits), certain communities have been left behind. These communities have been historically over-policed and under-invested. I can feel the failed British comedian leaning on the edge of his seat waiting for me to say Black and Brown communities. Well, the far-left extremist will be left with blue balls because the community I’m referring to is strippers.
Yes, you read that right, and yes, I’m serious. Strippers have been routinely ignored by the advances made by Silicon Valley, thus causing a moist and gaping hole in the market. And if it’s one thing I love doing, its filling moist, gaping holes with my special sauce. Luckily, I have a solution for the problem of ensuring proper payment to exotic dancers in an increasingly cashless society. Unlike my other articles, I won’t rely on any landfall legislative changes occurring. All that’s needed is a forward-thinking and monopolistic investor to write me a check.
The cashless society that we find ourselves in has certainly hurt the modern-day exotic dancer. She has to contend with a clientele that generally speaking, is far more cashless than the men her single mother entertained thirty years ago. With this cashless climate, and the current atmosphere of strip clubs that discourages phone usage near the dancers, performative females have been left exposed like never before. While many sticky-floored establishments have an on-site ATM, many of these rip-off machines charge fees as high as $8 per transaction. These high barriers are hurting the income of these women who are allegedly putting themselves through college.
Apps such as Venmo have facilitated peer-to-peer financial transactions, so there is already proof-of-concept. However, my proposed app, Rayn, will have one major difference in its user interface that none of its competitors have; the Make-it-Rayn function. After inputting the recipient’s user name (just like Venmo, PayPal, et cetera), switching to Make-It-Rayn mode will cause the screen to darken and a stack of bills to appear on the screen.
Then the fun begins; the user will then be able to hold the phone horizontally towards the recipient and slide their finger forwards. One finger slide will result in one dollar being transacted. The true goal will be to allow users to perform this motion multiple times in succession like this. This feature gives the under-served “medical student” (if you believe that, then I can sell you oceanfront housing in Kansas City) a boost in her income. It also gives her client the ability to feel like a complete baller without needing to carry a fat stash of cash (with all of the security risk that entails) or having to pay an exorbitant amount for an on-site withdrawal. Both sides of the transaction win in this scenario.
However, we need to be realistic. Only a fool would expect strip club owners to not resist the Rayn app at first. After all, this would mean less ATM fees for them to collect. Thus, the launch is critical to the long-term success of the app. The marketing hype needs to be met with positive real-life success stories of dancers receiving their tips and their clients enjoying the dopamine rush. As Rayn becomes popular among it’s first few thousand ardent users (folks, let’s be honest here…), fatherless women across the nation will began demanding that their seedy employers allow the use of the app within their establishment. In a way, being backed by silicone will be crucial in the app’s success…and I don’t mean Northern California financiers. For the few reluctant holdout club owners, offering a deal where they collect a certain percentage of the revenue, conditional on signing an accompanying NDA, can be done on a case-by-case basis. The NDA aspect of this is crucial; we can’t have every club owner with their left hands in the cookie jar…
Fortunately, strip clubs will not be the only market for Rayn. To the contrary, any environment where men would be willing to give women money for behaving lewdly will be fertile grounds for Rayn, as such environments are crevices that are unoccupied by current peer-to-peer payment apps that enable rain-making. Such arenas include sorority houses, beauty pageants, porn studios, nightclubs, modeling shoots, novelty car washes, private events, country club backrooms, political fundraising events, and other such venues. Only a loser hitches himself to a single market…
Rayn will become financially viable by taking a small percentage of each transaction. For the ideal user experience, the term transaction will constitute all of the swipes made by the user within a two-minute period. The total amount of bills swiped towards the single mother clad in a G-string during that time period will be combined into a single transaction and then Rayn will take a percentage of that transaction as payment for providing the infrastructure to enable this transaction. Similarly, Rayn will take a cut of the stripper’s income received through the app as well.
Future improvements to the app will include the option to change the bills from the default $1 bill to being able to rapidly swipe $5, $10, $20, $50, and in Mayweather Mode, $100 bills. Admittedly, Mayweather Mode will only be launched after inking a deal with the namesake boxing legend that will involve royalty payments. However, the GOAT of boxing has shown to be a true businessman, thus a licensing deal shouldn’t be too difficult to obtain. After all, it’s not like companies are lining up to sign brand deals with him.
As far as recruiting a workforce is concerned, I’m not all that worried about hiring. After all, there is no shortage of men in the Valley who hold some pretty backwards views. Thus, I’d be able to recruit engineers and UI/UX developers quite easily, despite not paying top dollar the way FAANG would be able to. I would be selling them more than just a job; I’d be pitching them a purpose and the opportunity to build towards something that these dude-bros and socially-awkward nerds passionately believe in. That’s something that is truly hard to find nowadays.
Send seed money today…
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