In my regular job (no, not that one), I get told every so often that I’m not approachable. I shudder every time I hear that since it’s a phrase that needs to go extinct. This is because that line is unhelpful at best, and it actively robs people of their agency at worst. Sharpen your pitchfork, because today I’m going to go over why no self-respecting winner has the line [insert target’s name here] isn’t approachable.
My main issue with being approachable is that of perspective. Me not being approachable is almost entirely an issue with the other person. Assuming that they’re the party that needs to start a discussion with me for some reason, then they are the ones who need to overcome the obstacle of my facial expressions/body language/eye contact/ et cetera in order to get what it is they want. It is not my responsibility to overcome your hesitation, doubly so if I’m not the party that needs anything. It’s as if this phrase exists in a world where the concept of leverage doesn’t exist.
Additionally, the reason that the line you’re not approachable is garbage is because that it basically isn’t actionable. There are a few basics in terms of obvious body language tips-and-tricks (some low-effort clickbait writing, for sure) that the target of that feedback can implement. However, beyond that, it’s simply a matter of sitting back and waiting for the original speaker complainer to show some agency for once in their goddamned lives and you know…approach (don’t hold your breath). I hate to be the one to tell you this, but me and my fellow try-hard’s aren’t going to wait for you to get your ass in gear.
Furthermore, this culturally accepted phrase of [insert name here] isn’t approachable is a loser’s mentality. Essentially, it strips the speaker of that phrase of all responsibility and agency. By slandering the other party as not approachable, the speaker makes it significantly easier to blame their lack of opportunities and small network/dating pool/war chest solely on the other party. Apparently, I must come from the alien culture of if you want something badly enough, go the fuck after it. Clearly, many of my contemporaries disagree with me. Fuck that, play offense.
Here’s one example; picture that you’re an entrepreneur with a big idea and you want venture capital in order to make it happen. Thus, you start hitting industry trade shows, networking events and incubators like crazy in order to find your ideal investor. I’ve got a news flash for you; most venture capitalists are going to be absolutely inundated with pitches and ideas thrown at them. Most of them will have portfolios full of stinkers, and the few profitable VC’s will be buoyed by a limited number of successes. Their body language will not be warm and inviting, their faces will likely be scrutinizing, assuming they haven’t been completely shell-shocked. They won’t be approachable. However, if you don’t pitch the VC, then your dream of real-life Metal Gear Solid gun cameras will never get off the ground. Fuck that, play offense.
Still not convinced? Alright, let’s say that you’re an eligible bachelor out on the prowl. Hell, you don’t need me to tell you that the pussy landscape is brutal out there. So, you’re up in da club, and in walks an absolute knockout of a blonde; five-foot-ten, slender figure with breasts that could serve as airbags. She’s going to appear disinterested in most of the men who strike up a conversation, and she’ll have walled-off body language for most of the night. Said another way, she won’t be approachable. However, if you don’t go up and talk to her, you’ll be guaranteed a night alone. Fuck that, play offense.
Your excuse-filled ass needs another example? Fine; imagine that you’re seventeen again, and you’re a pretty smart kid. Hell, you might even do pretty well in a televised pitch contest or science fair. However, you didn’t win as you only got fifth place. Hence you don’t get a guaranteed scholarship, a shiny medal, your name in the local newspaper, or a sweet photo op. Fortunately, the head of the department of the college program you’re trying to get into was in attendance. The department head will undoubtedly have a lot going on, and will likely not be the most inviting person on Earth in that moment. If you don’t go up and initiate a hallway conversation, you’ll surely drown in the sea of applicants. Fuck that, play offense.
Let’s come back to the present day. Like many out of shape Americans, you set a fitness goal on January 1st, but will totally-actually follow through this time. Upon entering the gym, you see a massive mountain of a muscular man. As Dom Mazetti would say; he is clearly the Brofessor, and you’d like to be his Brotégé. However, he’s loaded up on pre-workout and doesn’t take kindly to people interrupting his workouts for petty bullshit. If you don’t go up to him and ask him for some pointers, you’ll never get your excessively-large ass in shape. Fuck that, play offense.
Play offense like your life depends on it…because it does
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