What if I told you that owning a diverse fleet of canaries (radicalized informants) that do all of your political research for you is not a free lunch? While the perks are mighty, mathematically speaking, not everyone can own canaries. However, that’s not what this article is about. Instead, this article is about a silent-though-real cost of fleet ownership, one that only dawned on me recently. My typical hate-readers (yeah…I see you) will want to have their rotten tomatoes and I told you so’s ready.
So, I was driving to work the other day when I was listening to an audiobook, you know…because I’m such a “try-hard”. The book was cleverly written enough, it was philosophical and genuinely hit the right checklist items for being a book that the world needs. The Second Mountain is legitimately filled with amazing examples of people selflessly reaching out to others in need and making the world a better place in tangible ways. Hell, the book even came highly recommended from the OG Himself; and I’m not one to discard Attorney McKay’s suggestions lightly.
However, this day was…different. I hit this inexplicable mental wall with this audiobook. It was if that I couldn’t bring myself to care about the mission of the book. Worse yet, I couldn’t even feign doing so either. Thus, I switched off from the audiobook and fired up a podcast. Not just any podcast mind you; I turned on Tucker Carlson’s podcast, specifically his recent episode with noted alt-right provocateur and manosphere writer Mike Cernovich. I listened with glee as the pair discussed their main gripe with the Republican Party; the elephants aren’t being tone-deaf enough with their broadcasting.
To be fair; my love of radicalization isn’t exactly shocking to anyone who reads these articles or knows me personally. I love political extremism of both flavors; from John Oliver to the Proud Boys and everything else at the burnt ends of the political brisket. However, I do not normally skimp on philosophy in favor of hard-leaning rhetoric. Several hours later I realized the significance of the change in commute-time listening; I had asked myself Am I starting to become a worse person? Deep down, I knew that my ownership of canaries is indeed starting to warp my moral compass. I am no longer interested in building or repairing communities. Canary ownership has made me more selfish and callous.
But here’s the thing, I know that this is invariably and objectively making me a worse person, yet I have absolutely zero plans on stopping. I enjoy the benefits of owning a diverse fleet of canaries so much that I refuse to give up the perks of the lifestyle. I enjoy manipulating the radicalized into serving as my sources, and hence delegating research tasks to them, so much I couldn’t imagine giving this up. That, and I’m more than willing to sacrifice their brains to limbic-hijacking in order to spare my own. After all, they seem all too willing to fall on that sword.
I frequently find myself quipping that I treat political informants the way Andrew Tate treats women. I’m not ashamed of the fact of how heavily one-sided the relationship is, nor do I care. However, it is worth noting that the comparison to the Romanian-based entrepreneur does invite some level of cultural criticism. However, the comparison does have some merit; I am allowed to have multiple canaries, though my canaries only chirp for me. Also, all my canaries know that I own other canaries, and that I am the one in the driver’s seat of the dynamic.
It has honestly gotten to the point where I don’t even view what I’m doing as wrong anymore. In fact, moral right or wrong doesn’t even come into the picture as I troll my canaries into feeding me the information that I want. Just like with breaking bots, I use my calibrated talking-points and tried-and-true tactics against their biases that I know will get me a response; not unlike a lightbulb turning on. If owning canaries has turned me into the nihilist that I’ll one day get paid to be, then so be it.
The thing is; I’ve even turned my ruthless canary-corralling techniques on my own friends and family. Many in my inner circle are politically radicalized to the point of utterly demonizing those who ideologically disagree with them (like most modern Americans!). I often use information-sourcing tactics (such as feigning ignorance, appearing just interested enough to make it look like I can be swayed, intentionally throwing out a spicy-yet-wrong statement so they’ll feed me the correct answer, etc) on my own loved ones. I do so without losing a minute of sleep over it.
Honestly, part of me is morbidly curious as to where this amoral rabbit hole will go. I doubt I’d ever do anything illegal or self-compromising. However, it does make me think what else would I be willing to do in order to recruit more canaries. I’m open to attending political rallies and using my skillset to add to my roster. Ditto for befriending door-to-door political campaigners. Maybe I should take interrogation courses in order to fully perfect the craft, or read books by former CIA field agents.
No longer am I Ben Solo, call me Kylo Ren.
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