Ahh, the Wedding Industrial Complex; where young American couples take an eternal vow (you know, except for that whole divorce thing) in front of their loved ones. What makes it truly American is the lovely couple getting absolutely raked over the coals financially in order to throw this shebang. But what if I told you that it doesn’t have to be this way? To the investors of my previous ventures; grab your checkbook, you’re gonna need it…
Essentially, my idea is to undercut the traditional wedding vendor market. However, there will be a twist; prior to the big day, the bride-to-be will have to pose for nude photos, which will be held as collateral in case of 90 days of non-payment. In the case of non-payment, the nudes will be sold to various buyers. Yes, you read that right, and yes, I’m serious. This idea has the potential to work for several reasons.
First off, in case you haven’t noticed; weddings are expensive; like fucking expensive. Young couples take on debt 28% of the time to fund their big day, the situation isn’t helped by the fact that catering vendors and venues will often significantly mark-up their prices because they know that the market will bear it; it’s similar to higher education in that way. Thus, a fair price (by this definition, meaning cost plus 15%) would entice many cash-strapped young couples to book with BareBrides in the first place.
The nude photos will feature damn near every marketable square inch of her body; breasts, feet, vagina, caboose, close-up face shots, and everything else in between. Upon in-full payment the photo files will be destroyed. When that happens, everybody wins; BareBrides makes a 15% profit margin on services rendered, and the lovely couple got an affordable ceremony. However, with accounts starting to go delinquent, making sure to communicate this reputational leverage in collection attempts will certainly secure a much higher yield rate than industry average. Ray Liotta would be proud…
However, there will inevitably be some couples who default on their payment plans; that is a feature, not a bug. When this happens, BareBrides will then sell those nudes to various buyers; porn sites, stock footage sites, AI porn sites, medical textbook companies, and much more. They can also be minted as NFT’s, sold to OnlyFans, or simply sold direct to simps on the internet. The idea is that the smut revenue would make up the lost earnings from not charging the inflated market rate for wedding services as a traditional vendor would.
Future expansions would include high-quality audio recordings for use in ASMR sites, particularly those with an NSFW slant. Other improvements could also include the use of various sexual toys in order to boost market appeal; ball-gags, dildos, shackles, etc. Various objectifying outfits can be worn that tickle the male fantasy (slutty maid, slutty inmate, slutty secretary) though this will come with less of a discount for wedding services rendered. Thus, there will be a strong incentive for the bride-to-be to bare it all; BareBrides.
“But Dan, how will this even be possible?” a curious investor may ask. Well, it’s simple really; these terms and conditions will be baked into the contract that the couples will sign when they agree to purchase our services. This’ll work because it’s not like we teach people how to read these damn things anyways. Furthermore, in the consultation, we’ll make clear the expectations and the consequences for failure to pay, so there will be no surprises. BareBrides will be leveraging our fair pricing in comparison to the rest of the wedding market to prevent a sale from escaping. What’re they going to do? Have a non-Instagram-worthy wedding? Don’t make me laugh…
“Well Dan, I hate to break it to you, but not every bride is attractive enough to be an amateur porn star” is a retort that a detractor will assuredly throw out. Well first, I hope you’re ready for the woke mob to visit your home because, as they claim, all women are beautiful queens. Since all women are beautiful, then stockpiling their nudes for re-sale in case of non-payment is a surefire strategy, amirite? All kidding aside, you’d be surprised as to how low the attractiveness threshold is to be a sex worker. Finally; yes, I’m keenly aware of the Pareto Principle. Essentially, I’m betting that there will be enough attractive brides to make this a profitable venture. Given the amount of hairdressers, tanning salons, women’s-only gyms, yoga studios, and other female-oriented fitness and beauty spaces that cater to women under 35 there are in the U.S, I feel that’s a safe bet.
Discounts to women who show up to the nude shoot who waxed off their leg/crotch/underarm hair will be applied to the couple’s account. Discounts will also be available for the bride-to-be to show up with a fresh face of make-up, mani/pedi, a slight tan, and for smiling during the shoot can also be applied. The offering of discounts for these cosmetic touch-ups is a crucial move; they’ll enhance the monetary value of the collateral nudes. The vastly higher resale value of the held-hostage photos would compensate for the lost revenue from the discounts. Essentially, BareBrides will be making a play for the back-end more than anything (hehehe, phrasing).
The thing is, from a technical standpoint, this wouldn’t even be all that difficult to pull off either. I’m not convinced that if one has the skills to shoot wedding photos, that they wouldn’t be able to shoot pornographic nudes. Similarly, not a ton of technical expertise is needed for the distribution side of things either. Lastly, so long as there is a signed consent form (again, baked into the contract before services rendered), there will be no reasonable means of challenging this in a court of law. There’s no reason that this idea cannot be executed, even on Day One.
Time to discuss the elephant in the room; risk. Yes, I realize that this company is a risk. This is by far the riskiest venture capital idea yet (and yes, I’m including nuclear cruise ships in that). I’m betting that there are enough attractive and cash-strapped women out there who want to get married for this idea to work. I’m also betting on the porn market being large and active enough to readily absorb more smoking-hot nudes (a pretty safe bet to make given the size of the porn market). I’m further betting on juuust enough of these fine-looking ladies being a hot girl mess with their finances to go delinquent, thus enabling the sale of their nudes in the first place. Could I be wrong? Sure. However, show me a risk-free business venture and I’ll show you a scam.
Send venture capital today…
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