I won’t lie, I love both of Matt Walsh’s movies. The one that put him on the map, What is a Woman? asks what our left-leaning friends would consider to be a deep philosophical question. At the end of the movie though, Walsh revealed the absurdity of this premise by answering it directly with a three-word answer; adult human female. The answer was obvious to the silent majority of the film’s viewers.
However, the other day I asked myself What is a Loser? I asked this because I had once asked myself what the true definition of success was and I found my answer. Unlike Walsh’s question though, there wasn’t a response to What is a Loser? that was immediately obvious, or at least not one that was universal and concise. Thus, I set off for an answer.
In a way, What Is a Loser? is a lot like asking What is Porn? Both questions have the soft answer of I know it when I see it. But much like the answer to pornography, that answer isn’t good enough. Sure, many of us would agree on the stereotype of what a loser is, but outside of that the answer is harder to arrive to.
A common answer is one who gives up. Sure, while this is a common-and mostly correct-answer, it simply isn’t enough. Furthermore, it’s also context dependent. Does quitting a get-rich-quick scheme or some sham Influencer course make one a loser? Probably not, and I’m not the only one who agrees. But a college freshman quitting his dream of becoming an engineer at Tesla because calculus is harder than he thought? Yeah, that’s a loser trait.
I stumbled in and bumped my head all across the dark side of the moon looking for an answer to my question. Another necessary-but-insufficient part of the answer was one who lives in the past. In fact, I have spilled a lot of ink here on this blog discussing that very topic. Whether it is simping for the 80’s, or geeking out over ancestry, living in the past is not something a winner does.
Suddenly, an answer hit me in the face like a Tyson uppercut; a loser is somebody who accepts mediocrity when they know that they’re capable of more. Fuck, that answer gripped me so tightly and viscerally like none other. It was the perfectly universal and succinct answer that I had been looking for. It also sent me down a dark spiral.
But before I get into that, let’s address the elephant in the room. The reason that this answer works so well is the they know that they’re capable part of it. Unlike “Get Your Shit Together” and “We’re Proud of You”, this definition is intrinsic. The person in question is the source of the judgment; judgment aimed at themselves. And before a pitchfork wielder shows up at my front door; refusing to critically look in the mirror is grounds for automatic Loser status. After all, there’s a reason they’re denying reality.
Furthermore, the human brain is plastic and one is capable of learning damn near anything they set their mind to, and change is always possible if one wants it bad enough. Barring serious/repeated head trauma or a documented learning disability (and no, I’m not giving autists a pass here), damn near all of us are capable of learning-and hence, achieving-more. Therefore, accepting mediocrity is for losers.
In a way, Luke Skywalker at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, is a loser. Skywalker loses a duel against the infamous villain Darth Vader and finds himself hanging onto a piece of scaffolding for dear life. However, this was not what made him a loser. After all, Skywalker had only a brief montage of training, whereas Kylo Ren’s grandfather had been rising-and-grinding for most of his life. Thus, poor little Luke was not actually capable of beating Lord Vader at that point.
No, what made Skywalker a loser is screaming That’s Impossible after Vader disclosed his paternity. Skywalker preferred the comfortable lie he was fed his whole life (mediocrity) rather than accepting the possibility that he had a genetic leg-up that most Jedi would’ve killed to have (capable of more). In that moment, Skywalker was a whiny little fucking loser…
“Enough about Star Wars, Dan!” one eager beaver reader cries out “Tell me more about this dark spiral of yours. And make it spicy!” Fine. Essentially, I had gotten complacent regarding my current career situation. I realized that I’ve accepted working a mediocre job that was not building towards The Capitol, and making a mediocre salary (read: less than what I could get on the open market). I had accepted mediocrity and I’m sure as fuck capable of more. Therefore, by my own logic, I’m a loser.
My realization dawned on me to the point that I lost sleep over it. I had indeed become a fucking loser. Full stop; conduct wholly unbecoming of being The Man. However, I reject the Path of Skywalker. But there is another way. Enter Brad Arnold.
For you unwashed heathens who lack true culture, allow me to enlighten you on this living fucking legend. Brad Arnold is one of the original members and the lead singer of the iconic rock band 3 Doors Down. Their debut album A Better Life featured a song called Loser. Notably, this song comes directly after the band’s mega-hit Kryptonite, in which Arnold is akin to Superman. In Loser, however, Arnold fully owns his shortcomings for the entire world to see. There is no effort made whatsoever to deny, pass blame, or downplay reality.
Arnold’s career has taken off since admitting his weaknesses in Loser. His career went on to feature absolute bangers such as Here Without You, Let Me Go, It’s Not My Time, and Time of My Life. Arnold was capable of so much more than being a self-loathing flash in the pan, and his career since then reinforces that fact.
I woke up with a visceral anger over what I had accepted, what I had allowed myself to become; a fucking loser who accepted mediocrity despite being capable of more. It’s time to get serious about securing a job that either pays the market rate and truly pushes me (see above: capable of more) or seriously builds towards Capitol Hill.
Fuck Skywalker, Be Brad Arnold.
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