I was watching a documentary called Who is Luigi Mangione? Rather than a condemnation, the left-of-center hug-piece (y’know…the opposite of a hit-piece) seemed to glorify the alleged assassin. The biased biography covered his wealthy upbringing, his intelligence, how women at the yoga studio fawned over him, his backpacking trip around Asia, and his ideology. Not only did it not make me feel sorry for him (the intended effect), I felt the opposite; I was looking forward to his eventual prison rape.
It got my differently working brain firing; broadcasting his slippery-soap-sexcapade could be used as an effective crime deterrent. We can start requiring the victims of male-on-male sexual assault in our correctional facilities to give an on-video testimony of the events. While an official cover for this practice would be to either receive medical treatment or to build a court case, it’s true purpose will be something much different. The recorded discussions would be used as an anti-crime public service announcement.
Yes, you read that correctly. Releasing the videos of the emasculated male inmates harrowing stories of being on the receiving end of prison rape would send chills down the spines of the nation. Better yet, airing the uncensored tapes to reach the widest possible audience could have a major chilling effect on crime in this country. Not only that, but this could be a shot-in-the-arm for the acceptance of plea deals.
Better yet, why stop there? Instead of solely interviewing the recipients of this heinous act, why not give the perpetrators a chance to gloat? In fact, we could make it into something of a reality show; Meet the Shower Daddy’s. Remember, the more wince-worthy, the better! The point of this would be to scare the population away from a life of crime.
But we can do even more! After all, one could always change the channel or get off of social media. Instead, let’s require it. We can make playing these videos and/or bringing in these unwilling sexual participants into the classroom a mandatory part of the curriculum. My high school health class had us sit through lectures from convicts, so this has been an accepted practice for a while now (I was raised in a deep-blue state). Additionally, field trips to prisons are already a thing in some high school curriculums. Thus, we can cattle-prod the unwilling lovers into telling their stories to our nation’s teenagers…in every gruesome detail.
Furthermore, to enhance the acceptance of plea deals we can start playing these videos inside of jails. That way, those who are staring down the barrel of a surefire conviction would think twice before rejecting a plea deal or other cooperation effort. And if you think I’m making this up, it’s called priming, and marketers already do this.
I can practically hear the screeching of the tires from Karen’s SUV now. “Dan!” the Gucci-clad protestor will squeal “our precious widdle youth are too innocent to hear this in school!” if the students are old enough to be taught about right-and-wrong, drug use, crime, and sex in school, then they’re old enough to be taught about the consequences of their actions in school. Merely saying you might go to prison hasn’t worked.
The highlighted bowl-cut will shriek from her heated leather seat “This isn’t funny! Sexual assault is a serious matter.” Yes sweetie, I completely agree. In fact, it’s the inherent seriousness of the topic that would make it such an effective marketing tool.
“Really Dan?” Karen will say after taking a long draw from her $6 Starbucks concoction. Yes, really. We’ve known about this problem happening in our nation’s cells for decades, yet we choose to not really do anything about it. Worse yet, we show zero empathy for the victims, often hand-waving it away as they’re felons. At this point, the least we can do is use it to our advantage.
Truthfully, a good PR firm will need to come along for the ride as well. Simply advertising this as an anti-crime PSA will not be enough. That language appeals only to our right-of-center friends. For our left-of-center friends, a different tactic will be needed for acceptance. For starters, we will need to shame opponents of this method for trying to silence victims of sexual assault. Using the irony of their protests and their stances during the #MeToo movement to full effect will be absolutely crucial. This should take most of the wind out of their proverbial sails. For the rest of the liberal holdouts: make sure to tell them that by opposing my idea, they are shouting down LGBTQIA+ relationships, which has been one of their flagship causes for the last two decades. Nobody likes a hypocrite; amirite?
Lastly, the only people outside of leftists who would oppose this idea would be the private prison industrial complex and their investors. Seriously; who else opposes emptier prisons on the basis of less crime being committed? It’s not like PR firms would have to work too hard to demonize the private prison conglomerates…
Truthfully, the best part of my whole idea is its immediate practicality. I’m not aware of any technological, moral, logic-contradicting, or procedural reason that would prevent us from implementing this idea. The only real hurdle that I can see is a financial one; the increased costs to the taxpayer for capturing and uploading/airing these videos. However, I’d argue that a safer society is worth the minimally higher cost of a few lights, cameras, boom mics, and Adobe subscriptions.
We could start doing this today if we wanted to, but we have to want to do it…
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