Frankly, nothing Elon Musk does from here on out should surprise anybody. Why do I say this, you ask? Simple; it’s because Elon’s behaviors have already been modeled by a fictional super-genius tech billionaire. “Is it Tony Stark?” asks one eager Marvel geek. Nope. “Well obviously not, that’s because he means Bruce Wayne!” Wrong again. The answer is obvious; Elon Musk is little more than the real-life version of Seto Kaiba from YuGiOh.
The Come-Up
First let’s start with their upbringings. Both of them were identified at a young age for having an unusually high intellect, especially relative to their peers. Following this discovery, both boys were raised by father figures whose parenting tactics ranged from unorthodox to downright cruel. All of this was done in the name of furthering the family legacy.
However, these boys eventually grew up and became teenage prodigies. Even more striking is that they both chose to do so by eschewing the career path that their fathers had set out for them. Seto Kaiba had zero intention of entering the Military Industrial Complex nor did Musk seem content to run mineral mines. Both opted to forge their own paths instead, much to the dismay of their fathers.
Using their well-groomed business savvy, both tycoons struck it rich at an impressively early age. Admittedly, the comparison is not perfect, and it works in Musk’s favor rather than Kaiba’s. Kaiba was fronted $100 million by his father with the condition that he ten-fold the money within a year, or have to pay it all back. Kaiba managed to do so with plenty of time to spare.
Musk, on the other hand, was playing on Hard Mode. Elon exited the gated communities of his posh South African upbringing and had a Journey To The West (bonus points if you saw what I did there…). Elon wound up cofounding a company, with far less paternal assistance than Kaiba had, called X. Later, the company was folded into PayPal where he eventually became the CEO, thus cementing his part in the infamous PayPal Mafia.
Consequences
None of this bought these industry titans any goodwill from their fathers. In fact, it did just the opposite. It’s hardly a secret that Elon and his now-elderly father have quite the strained relationship, no doubt worsened by Elon’s success. Kaiba’s father had enough vitriol to trap his two adopted sons in a virtual reality to exact his petty revenge. All of this because these two daring businessmen opted to take the road less traveled…
However, no amount of father-son strain seems to spare these two geniuses from being targeted because of their last name. Left-wing pundit (eww…pundits) John Oliver dedicated an entire episode of his propaganda show to smearing Elon. The unfunny Brit festered on Errol Musk’s mine ownership; sins of the father much? Elon’s anime-reflection also had to deal with his father’s angry mob from time to time. Both Alister and Zigfried appear in later seasons of YuGiOh, both armed with anti-Gozaburo pitchforks. Kaiba dodging their jabs became a central theme of these subplots.
Next Steps…
Did either one of these esteemed entrepreneurs merely rest on their laurels and spend the rest of their lives lounging on a beach? Fuck No. Both of them opted instead to invent the future, especially by taking a big swing at established competitors. Kaiba invented his famed Duel Disk and had the absolutely ballsy move to demo the product on the literal doorstep of Maxmillion Pegasus’s private castle during the first season of YuGiOh. Seriously, that’s like Samsung’s CEO unveiling the new Galaxy right across the street from Apple’s offices! Following Season One of the original YuGiOh, large duel arenas became basically unheard of. What took their place was Kaiba’s second iteration of the Duel Disk. It was so successful that it inspired a wave of copyright clones during the GX arc.
Meanwhile, Elon bought into Tesla in the midst of the worst financial meltdown since the Great Depression. Worse yet, Detroit and Tokyo were sleepwalking into the electric vehicle market. During that lull, Elon not only kept Tesla afloat but led it to becoming the largest auto manufacturer in the world by market cap. Elon then disrupted all of Silicon Valley by exiting Commie-fornia in favor of central Texas, and others joined him. Elon literally became so powerful that he disrupted the disruptors.
Both men effectively grasped the title of World’s Richest Man at a breakneck speed with little true resistance. What does one do when they become the richest man on Earth? Simple, they take to the cosmos! As depicted in the most recent YuGiOh movie, Kaiba had ordered the construction of an elevator to space so that he could board his own private fucking satellite. Was Kaiba done? Nope; he opted instead to launch Duel Monsters cards, Duel Disks and other such items into outer space in order to teach aliens how to duel. It seems that Elon wasn’t the only one wanting to colonize other planets…
Not to be outdone, the South African billionaire practically salivates every time someone mentions the word Mars within earshot. The rocket’s created by the eccentric billionaire now run proxy missions for NASA in hopes of handling the first manned mission to our neighboring planet. Seriously, one of my good friends won’t shut up about how eager he is to volunteer for this one-way trip to Mars.
Reshaping Society…
However, both moguls are not content with simply ruling the world of commerce. No, they both aim to help build a better society, one more aligned with their idealistic visions. Several years after the end of the original YuGiOh series, Kaiba buys a private island and builds the most prestigious school in the world on its soil. Was that enough to satiate Seto? Nope! He then builds an entire new city in his image.
Elon has also become more socially involved within the last several years. Concerned with the decaying status of free speech in America, Elon bought Twitter for $44 billion and quickly restored order to the Force. After that, Elon opted to simply mail it in and call it a career. Just kidding; Elon then embedded himself in the Trump campaign and quickly found himself the head of the much-needed Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) Few can amass planet-altering money, even fewer can make a true difference.
Personalities
“Alright Dan, you’ve parroted their resume’s long enough” an angry Karen complains. Well good, their similarities don’t end there! Their personalities reflect each other quite well. As a result of their ruthlessly achievement-oriented upbringings, both men are driven at a visceral level. This has led to the two magnates running their vast empires with an iron fist.
Such examples include Kaiba telling his chief scientist to postulate himself a new job, or when he ordered the firing of a packaging engineer on a total whim. Kaiba refuses to accept mediocrity, and he makes sure that his employees know it. Musk is also no stranger to this tactic, as the eccentric CEO is known for waking up senior employees in the middle of the night if he found something that he disliked. Check your excuses at the door, whether it’s at Tesla or KaibaCorp.
I sacrifice the angry mob in order to summon a better society…
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