It’s no secret that I love to travel the Balkans. Back in February, I went to Albania, Kosovo and North Macedonia. Overall, the trip was great; fascinating (albeit dark) history, castles that one can explore at their own leisure, side-splitting entrees, good beers, and a borderline cult-like acceptance of Western tourists. It was fun and amazing. It made me never want to leave the United States again. I can hear the screech in the distance of 1000 liberals sharpening their pitchforks as we speak.
Tour
Every time I go to a foreign nation, I take a walking tour. Not only does it allow me to truly feel out a city (in both terms of vibes and physical layout), but I also like having a knowledgeable local guide give context to the historical sites along the way. Prishtina was no exception. Eventually, the topic of Kosovo’s NATO candidacy came up. Against my better judgment, I asked half-heartedly and in a jokey tone. “Don’t tell me, let me guess; Serbia really doesn’t want that to happen?”
The response was as uncomfortable as it was predictable. The tour guide reluctantly acknowledged that I was right. He followed it up by stating that Kosovo wished to eventually become a supplier of security rather than just a consumer of it. While this is admirable, it also shone a light onto the reality; geopolitical protection is a commodity, whether we like to admit it or not.
On the walking tour, there was a large mural overlooking Mother Teresa Square. A heart colored in the pattern of the Ukrainian flag. This is hardly unusual; pro-Ukrainian sentiment is widespread throughout Eastern Europe. One would think that Ukraine, a nation with a lengthy history of receiving aggression from its larger pro-Russian neighbor, would sympathize with Kosovo. One would think that given all of this, that Ukraine would acknowledge Kosovo in a show of solidarity for a nation in a very similar situation. But you’d be dead fucking wrong as Ukraine does not acknowledge Kosovo.
What does Kosovo do? Withhold support from the man who cancels elections? Nope, they just keep acknowledging Putin’s backyard anyways. It takes a special type of doormat to shower adoration over someone who cares nothing for your very existence. But hey, weak nations have no choice but to be kind…
The tour continued to another mural. It had a large heart colored in the pattern of the Palestinian flag. This was not the surprise; throughout the Balkans it is easy to find pro-Palestinian propaganda. The implication was quite clear; the people of Kosovo opted to show solidarity for the people of Palestine. You would think that Palestine, a fellow Muslim-majority nation yearning for widespread acceptance of its independence, would sympathize with Kosovo. You would think that given this situation, Palestine would readily acknowledge Kosovo’s statehood in a show of solidarity and to set legal precedence. Well, you would be dead wrong for thinking that as Palestine does not recognize Kosovo. Even worse, the PLO even stated that Palestine deserved independence before Kosovo.
It honestly takes a spineless mentality to continue to offer support to those who actively diminish your cause. Maybe I’m a bit too quid pro quo here, but the moment that Palestine actively minimized the Kosovar plight is the moment that Kosovo should’ve withheld its support for The Land of Hamas. But hey, weak nations have no choice but to be kind…
Library
While in Prishtina, I visited their national library, which many consider to be the ugliest building in Europe, though I kinda liked the aesthetic. While my tastes in architecture may be subjective, my patriotism isn’t. A stone’s throw from the library’s lawn and broken staircase lies a brick Orthodox church that is literally condemned. Why an Orthodox church in a Muslim-majority nation and home of the Michael Jordan of Catholic Nuns?
Simple; it’s a Serbian plant. Serbia hurried the construction of the small church (and did a half-assed job, I might add) and planted a gaudy golden cross on top of the dome. Serbia did this in order to prevent the Kosovars from taking down the intentional-eyesore under the guise of religious protection. That’s right, the nation that spent the Chicago Bulls dynasty committing every abhorrent war crime in the book is now using the Bible to bully their breakaway.
And what can Kosovo do about this? Absolutely fucking nothing. Why? Because they live in fear of (yet another) Serbian invasion. Their military lacks the firepower to send the Southern Cyrillic Slavs to the incinerator. It made me think Never in 1000 fucking years would America tolerate a foreign nation forcefully planting their flag (albeit indirectly) on our soil. The CIA would be launching every coup and psy-op in the book to tear it down. Failing that, there’s always the SEAL’s and stealth bombers. But hey, weak nations have no choice but to be kind…
I went inside the library, as it is a low-key tourist attraction for the city (and Kosovo as a whole). On the immediate right in the lobby is the America Corner, which I of course had to check out. I reveled in the pedestalization of the red-white-and-blue. However, I had to go upstairs to find the section dedicated to Kosovar independence. It’s like they simped so hard for us that they reversed the order; they ought to put their own freedom front-and-center. As an American, I’m okay with the Kosovar government worshiping us in a less-traveled section of the library. Phrased another way, Kosovars ought to put Kosovo first. But hey, weak nations have no choice but to be kind…
Not too far from the Independence section was the NATO corner. It’s no secret that Kosovo wants to sit with the Cool Kids in the cafeteria. Like many dorks who try too hard to fit in, Kosovo brings nothing of value to the table. Further yet, many fear that Kosovo would probably just cause an insta-Article 5.
Aftermath
Looking back, it was yet another reminder of how fortunate I am to be born in America. Intimidation from larger neighbors, being outmuscled militarily, simping for the EU and NATO; this is nonsense that the rest of the world has to put up with, but not us. The average American does not realize how much being born in the United States is akin to winning the gametic lottery.
My isolationism has only gotten stronger since this trip. Not only do I think that America is the greatest nation on Earth, I’ve nearly lost my appetite for international travel as a whole. I also can’t bring myself to care about conflicts that America is not directly involved in. Not one dollar spent in foreign nations, not one American boot on the ground. Period.
The first major meal I ate when I got back home was a classic cheeseburger. I ordered it with pickles, American cheese with enough preservatives to trigger RFK Jr, and ketchup loaded with high-fructose corn syrup; like a true fucking Patriot. Since Eastern Europe isn’t the most luxurious travel locale in the world, I had some unspent YOLO funds. Thus, the following weekend I went to the gun shop and picked up my first AR-15, chambered in 5.56; again, like a true fucking Patriot. I’m basically a half-step away from donning a red MAGA hat.
Every time I’ve visited a foreign nation, I’ve collected its flag. Up until last weekend, I would hang up these foreign flags on the walls of my home. However, I’ve now taken all of them down. The American flag hangs in my living room; front, center, and without peer; a microcosm to the rest of the world. My passport is going to collect a ton of dust.
I’ll leave you with some words from the philosophers Trey Parker and Matt Stone…
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