Thanks to the hard work of Tucker Carlson, Candace Owens, Dave Smith, and many of their ideological cohorts, America is waking up to the current state of affairs in D.C. Neoconservatives-aka neocons-have firmly implanted themselves into our nation’s capital. While they may no longer be front-and-center like they were twenty years ago under W. Bush, they are definitely still in the hidden nooks-and-crannies. A targeted and concerted effort is thus needed to weed them out. After all, sunlight is the best disinfectant.
“Well Dan, how do you suggest we deal with the neocons?” Well first, we have to label who they are. It’s simply not enough to list out who took AIPAC funding. We need to go one step further. My idea is to require all AIPAC funding recipients to don yellow armbands to be worn around their left biceps while on the floor. This way, the American viewer can easily discern who the neocons are.
But here’s the problem with yellow armbands, they can easily be taken off. Can we seriously trust the silver-tongued neocons to be honest and display their armbands when their required to do so? Probably not. Hence, the neocons need something that they cannot just take off when it is convenient for them to do so. Mandating that the neocons get the total dollar amount of contributions they’ve accepted from AIPAC inked into their left forearms will serve as a visual aid for the citizens who is-and is not– actually loyal to the Land of the Free and Home of the Whopper.
With that said, neocons are a cunning bunch, therefore we need to be very careful who they come into contact with. Therefore, I recommend that AIPAC funding recipients be housed in a special AIPAC-only neighborhood in D.C. while on their official duties. Will this housing be equivalent to their previous abodes? Possibly, but the D.C housing market is a rough one, so that can’t be guaranteed.
To save taxpayer money on housing for neocons, they’ll just have to take up housing outside of the district. Will We the People need to cut their heating from November-April and their AC from May-September? Yes; but hey, sacrifices have to be made. As for getting around, they can use the ever-efficient D.C public transportation network to get to the Capitol in the morning.
Of course, with defense spending and foreign aid packages being high-priority bills, these will need to be voted on at 9am sharp. After all, these are matters that require immediate decision and simply cannot be shelved, not even for a moment. A few neocons being stuck in traffic is relatively inconsequential to matters of national security, amirite?
Although, the fact that those shifty, conniving neocons have already infiltrated our government is certainly unsettling. A better move is to use receipt of AIPAC funds as grounds for removal from office in elected positions. After all, one cannot possibly serve two masters, right? Yes, we must expel the neocons from D.C..
Of course, AIPAC might just swoop in and try to expense a trip to Israel for the neocons (a common tactic of theirs). Thus, something must be done to prevent them from working for a foreign government. The Secretary of State has full authority to shut off the passports of US citizens; just ask Edward Snowden. Therefore. limiting the ability of the neocons to flee to Israel would be a wise first move. But why stop there? Why not just put them on the federal no-fly list as well? After all, neocons did it to Nick Fuentes, so I know they’re familiar with the tactic…
But Dan, once the neocons are jobless, what will they do for work? Certainly you’re not suggesting that AIPAC funding recipients go to work for our defense industry via the revolving door, right?” Of course not, I would never suggest such a thing. I have an even better idea; We can enlist the labor of the neocons to help restore our crumbling interior infrastructure. The top priority for these renovation projects, you ask? Remote areas with no cell service and spotty WiFi coverage of course. After all, those are the communities that need this work done the most! The neocons do want to help poorer Americans…riiiight?
With that said, rebuilding infrastructure is a tall order. The neocons will need to work night-and-day to repair the dams, set-up WiFi towers, re-wire electrical poles, and so on. Due to the $38 trillion in debt, we cannot afford to spare them the proper PPE for the task, so they’ll just need to go without. Ditto for gourmet food options and amenities such as hot water; just tomato soup and cold showers for the neocons until the digital divide is bridged.
I won’t lie the labor in these camps will certainly be hard. Thus, proper motivation will be needed. We’ll need to remind the neocons that they’re rebuilding America and guiding The Bald Eagle to a more prosperous tomorrow. And hey, there’s always cheesy motivational signs as they toil in the heartland of America in February. Something along the lines of…hmm. *snaps finger* Work will set you free!Yeah, it’ll work!
But hey I’m not a complete miser. I’m willing to ensure that the neocons stay warm at night and during the harsh winters. I propose at these remote worksites, we can build a contained space heater, one large enough for hundreds of people to walk into. Of course, this will need to be built on-site by the neocon labor force. The key feature for these units will be to have doors that lock from the outside. After all, if the neocons leave the large contained space heater in the middle of the night for a moonlit stroll, they run the risk of frostbite. We don’t want that, do we?
As for my final solution to stem Israeli influence in Washington? Require AIPAC to register as a foreign lobby.
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