I just finished the second part of the Final Fantasy 7 remake trilogy. Sharpen your pitchforks, but I have to admit; this was kinda shit. I’d warn of spoilers, but let’s be honest; who plays this game without ever playing the original? Take a drink for every time I say this didn’t happen in the 90’s…
The Bad: Early On
Before I get into the story itself, I need to rant about the gameplay. The automation of party combat is utter trash. The party members who aren’t being actively controlled by the player do little more than stand around and absorb damage. Worse yet, they aren’t even good at drawing enemy aggro either! If you’re going to sink damage, at least be good at it! Admittedly, this is a partial skill issue due to me not utilizing the Bodyguard mechanic to its fullest extent. But that skill issue argument only goes so far; the default setting of standing around not dealing offense is not acceptable, doubly so when there is little that can be done to change this. Don’t tell me that it can’t be done either. SquareEnix did an incredible job at this in 2005 with Kingdom Hearts 2 and again in 2006 with Final Fantasy 12. Why has SquareEnix gotten objectively worse at this as time has gone forward twenty years?
Anyways, in between the chapters there are frequent jumps to Zack Fair for short stretches of playable time. It’s meant as an emotional callback to both the original and Crisis Core. With that said, it was horribly thought out and completely nonsensical. Zooming back for a second, Zack being friends with Biggs (a throw-away character from when Tupac was still alive) runs counter to his character. While Zack absolutely had misgivings regarding Sephiroth and the Genova Project as a whole, that by no means segues into him becoming a domestic eco-terrorist. In fact, one of Zack’s most signature lines is Embrace your Honor as SOLDIER! Did nobody think about this at SquareEnix before jamming these two together?
Speaking of; one must ask; when the fuck did this actually happen? Clearly, Zack is still alive, so it couldn’t possibly have been the gap between Crisis Core and the original. The only logical explanation is that this happened sometime during the events of Crisis Core. With that said, there was never any reference to Zack Fair’s seemingly extended stay in Midgar during the events of the 2007 prequel. Rebirth tends to lean heavily on the logic of well, earlier titles didn’t EXPLICITLY say that it DIDN’T happen, so it’s fair game. So yeah, this didn’t happen in the 90’s. Drink up, motherfucker…
There’s a classic story-telling piece of advice; show don’t tell. Video games are able to take this a bit further with let the player experience it being even stronger than showing a concept. The original 1997 version of the game did a fantastic job with this during Cloud’s false memory of the Nibelheim reactor. Sephiroth was an absolute fucking unit during that mission, effortlessly killing enemies that tossed young Cloud around like a ragdoll. And that was the whole fucking point; to let the player experience that Sephiroth was clearly on a totally different level than Cloud, much like MGS2’s final mandatory alert phase did.
This current version left a bit to be desired during this arc. While Sephiroth was noticeably stronger than Cloud, he was far more offensively neutered than he was in the ’97 version of the false memory. The boss fight during this false memory showed Sephiroth taking more damage and struggling more than a so-called living legend should. In what part back in 1997 did Sephiroth ask for Cloud’s help or make way to include him in any meaningful way in combat? And now you’re expecting me to just believe that they have Synergy attacks? So yeah, take another drink…
While I’m on the kick of this didn’t happen in the 90’s, let’s discuss Junon. Remember when Yuffie tried that tactically-awful plan to assassinate Rufus Shinra at the parade in front of millions of witnesses? Doubly so when Rufus Shinra was about to forgive Cloud and the gang to focus on merely running the business? You don’t? That’s right, because like the Buffalo Bills winning a Superbowl, that never fucking happened in the 90’s! Three drinks in; we’re getting wild already!
Costa del Sol was annoying as fuck this time around, and I didn’t have that impression from the original. The town was a quick little breath-of-fresh-air from the story. However, this time around it was an absolute time sink, full of forced mini-games that were honestly far more difficult than most actual boss fights in the game up until that point. Tack on the fact the map is so far spaced-out in order to make the player use off-brand Segways (gee willikers, that didn’t happen in 1997!) with laggy controls. The game not allowing players to progress onto the beach until they’re in beach attire was little more than a heavy-handed attempt at fan service. This happened in the 90’s the same way Serbia respected human rights did. That’s four drinks; gimme your keys, bro…
Yuffie joining the party doesn’t happen at all in the way it did in the 90’s. This time around, Yuffie spends the Costa del Sol portion borderline stalking the party after her failed hit-job on Rufus Shinra. As the crew is leaving Costa del Sol, the underage ninja corners Cloud and Co. in order to plead with him to join the party. That’s it; no battle, no cryptic questions, no materia-related wild goose chase. None of that happens, just a low-effort shoehorn of an optional character from 1997 into the party, except Yuffie is necessary for game progression this time around. I’m not sure about you guys, but I don’t like having annoying formerly-optional characters now forced on me. Five drinks thus far; time for a water break, homie.
Our favorite band of eco-terrorists then roll up to the Cosmo Canyon and Red XIII’s voice instantly flips and it was absolutely jarring. Him going from gravely elder to chipper teenager was an auditory whiplash that I never shook off. For fucks sake; he’s the oldest member of the group! And nobody else in Cosmo Canyon sounds like him! I won’t play the this never happened in the 90’s card regarding Red’s voicefor obvious technological reasons. With that said, his personality changing is fair game for that critique. His demeanor flipping from stoic to attention whore was a bit too much, not to mention out of place. Despite continuing the journey after learning about his father and vowing to be as great as Seto, Red XIII still acts rather petulantly for the rest of the game. Which- stop me if you heard this one before-didn’t happen in the 90’s. I count six drinks; I’ll let you crash on the futon…
The Bad: Midway from Midgar
Call me petty but the map from the Gold Sauer to Gongaga was frustratingly difficult to navigate. The differing elevation and caverns were quite realistic, but they were realistic to the point of gating necessary story navigation. I lost nearly two hours trying to figure out how the hell I was supposed to get to Gongaga and this while riding in the Buggy. Riding in the Buggy in the original 1997 made travel a breeze, and that was the whole fucking point of having the buggy. It’s honestly a mechanic that got worse as 27 years went by. If I had to guess, it’s like Nomura played Metal Gear Solid V’s Afghanistan sequence and decided to implement that into Rebirth. However, MGSV’s Afghanistan terrain was supposed to be difficult as both a gameplay feature and a narrative device; neither of which was the case in the original FF7. Nor was it supposed to be the case in Rebirth. Just because the GOAT did it, that doesn’t mean you need to copy him, Mr. Nomura. Seven drinks; dude, you gonna be alright?
Next stop, a very specific coffin in an old basement. Credit where it’s due, Vincent’s introduction to the party stays much closer to the original than Yuffie’s did. The battle against Vincent was a hard one for this point in the story, which was a great way to use a mechanic to show the narrative of powerful Vincent was. Vincent is then seen traveling with the crew for the rest of the game. It was admittedly pretty cool. You know what would’ve been even cooler? If Vincent, you know, actually became a playable fucking character! After all, that’s how it happened in 1997, so I’m not asking a lot here. This hurt quite a bit later on in the game during the final boss gauntlet (more on that shitshow later on). It would’ve been nice to have some additional firepower. Eight drinks; this’ll be the greatest night that none of us will ever remember!
You wanna know what else didn’t happen in the original? Anything involving Glenn Lodbrock. He is merely conjured into narrative existence as a former high-ranking SOLDIER that went rogue. Fair enough, even if we are going a bit Modern-Day Star Wars with milking unreferenced background characters from the original work. After all, Shinra is a massive organization and it’s easy enough to believe that there are many more off-screen members. With that said, Lodbrock’s inclusion does nothing to move the story forward. Lodbrock’s final scene even showed how disposable he truly was. Why even include him at all? Nine drinks; fuck it; let’s just dance on the tables at this point!
Call me petty, but we need to discuss Loveless during the date night scene. Admittedly, the details surrounding the play have been scant, though Loveless was hinted at and referenced heavily in the original 1997 version. Then, 2007 rolled around and the final lines were quoted incessantly in Crisis Core; even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return. So naturally, we received a cinematic experience in which that line was used a subtle callback, right? Wrong! What we got instead was a bunch of out-of-context characters jammed into a quick-time-event skin. The signature line wasn’t even used. Talk about barren of promises! The only thing promised at this point is you blowing a 0.19 on the breathalyzer #TenDrinks.
The Bad: Ending
Aerith’s death was legitimately jarring in 1997 because it was unexpected. There was nothing obvious to the player that Sephiroth was in the vicinity. It was also impactful in the original because it was so abrupt. The scene was not padded out or filled with visual metaphors. All it did was simply show an impaled Cetra falling lifelessly to the floor, followed by Cloud laying her to rest. A powerful series of visuals taking place over less than 90 seconds. Was that what happened this time around? Fuck no.
This time around featured the game preemptively warning you about the point of no return (even though the player already went through that docking in the previous chapter, but let’s not focus on that too much, shall we?). This message actively warns the player to prepare for whatever Sephiroth might have in store for you as cloud had to wave his way through Whispers to reach Aerith. This heavy-handed warning is right up there with Charles Barkley won a championship in the category of Things that never happened in the 90’s. That’s drink number 11; you do realize that black coffee doesn’t actually sober you up, right?
Following Aerith’s death was a complete shitshow. Remember two paragraphs ago when I said that it was not padded out? Yeah, SquareEnix used this opportunity to pad the fuck out of their playtime. While this is par for the course with Square, the way they did it this time was just tacky. It was chock full of more things that never happened in the 90’s. Chief among them being Zack and Cloud team up to fight Sephiroth 2v1. Did these actual IP ownersliterally steal 3TR Gaming’s idea from nearly a fucking decade ago? 12 drinks; dude, you’re gonna need to get your stomach pumped if you don’t slow down…
Zack and Cloud versus Sephiroth doesn’t work for several reasons. Primary reason is the whole minor technicality of, you know, ZACK FAIR IS FUCKING DEAD. Yeah, it’s like Square Enix marketed the game to fans of the original, yet developed it for people who are ignorant of the plot. There was also zero in-game explanation for how this was even possible. Keep in mind that Final Fantasy 7 isn’t Dragon Ball Z; once someone in this universe dies, their bodies stay dead. 13 drinks; lemme guess, you’ll totally start going to AA meetings tomorrow, right?
During the final boss gauntlet, the Zack-heavy scenes feature much of his lines from Crisis Core. I appreciated the reference, given how much I enjoyed playing the FF7 prequel as a teenager. With that said, it’s still notoriously out of place given what I just talked about. Zack’s death aside, there’s the fact that Zack’s embrace your honor as SOLDIER line was not commonly used in the original 1997 version of the game. Thus, this homage only makes sense to people who played Crisis Core. Fun fact; people that played Crisis Core know that Zack is dead. Again, I ask; who was this supposed to appeal to?
Zack and Cloud have synergy attacks together in their match against Sephiroth. This makes sense from both a gameplay mechanic and a symbolic standpoint. However, there is one major problem with this; this would’ve been impossible during the actual events of the story. To those who played the original and/or Crisis Core, Zack was several leagues above the grunt named Cloud Strife. They served one mission alongside each other, and Cloud was a vegetable for most of their subsequent time together. So, when in the fuck would they have had time to practice Synergy moves together? Does Nomura think we’re stupid or something? Wait, don’t answer that. 14 drinks; dude, that pile of trash on the sidewalk you just puked on was probably a homeless guy…
The Good
With all of that said, there are some things that I liked about the game. First, I’ll start with Corel. Having Barett’s backstory reinforced with the advent of voice acting and high-definition facial features truly drives home the guilt that he carried. The unprompted release of NPC dialog (versus the player having to proactively seek it out in the 1997 original) did a tremendous job in driving home the visceral hatred that the townsfolk had for Barrett in a way that the original never quite could. Make no mistake: Barrett is a fucking pariah. Message well delivered!
All of this came to a head in the boss fight he had with Dyne. The destructible environment, and the opportunities for cover, and Barrett’s sorrowful lines during the event made the fight hit with so much more emotional impact. It was an engaging boss fight sprinkled in with dialogue that was difficult to sit through. Honestly, a job well done.
Cosmo Canyon as an environment was pretty well done. My favorite scene this time around was the night-time bonfire. It definitely drove the message home that this was a religious experience, and the superior processing power of the PS5 relative to the original hardware was put to good use demonstrating it. Awesome job!
Sharpen your pitchforks for a truly unpopular opinion: I didn’t like the Gold Saucer from the original 1997 version. Now that I’m done Matrix-dodging all of the rotten-tomatoes, let me explain. The Gold Saucer circa 1997 was a bit too expansive given the PS1’s limited processing capabilities. One example of this was the rapid travel system from the original. Sure, it worked, but the long load time of the PS1 hardware, the non-zero chance of a console crash, and the highly centralized nature of the original version’s fast travel made it a damn pain to use. Contrast that to the modern version; the PS5 has none of these hardware issues, and the developers placed the Moogle conveniently in high-traffic spots within the Gold Saucer, and fast traveling suddenly became a breeze! Well done, Mr. Nomura!
Furthermore, the Gold Saucer ditched its bullshit GP-for-Save mechanic that drove child-Me up the fucking wall back in the day. Nowhere else in the original 1997 game does the player have to pay to save their progress like that. With the power of years and maturity now with me, I now realize that was a ploy on the part of the Michael Jordan-era developers to encourage the mandatory parts of the Gold Saucer to be played in one sitting. Making GP difficult to come by at first in ’97 added to that mechanic. Contrast that with today’s version of the game, and saving is free; you know, consistent with the way the rest of the game is fucking played. Big ups on fixing your blunder from the Clinton-administration, Mr. Nomura!
Aerith’s flashback to her biological mother’s final moments packed an emotional wallop. Remember earlier when I said experience, don’t tell? Well this was an example of SquareEnix doing it right. Rather than the ’97 version merely showing a textbox of child-age Aerith crying out for help, the player now takes control of the pint-sized Cetra. The player has to experience going out into a dimly lit train station all alone and beg for help from taller and indifferent adult strangers while listening to the little girl’s pleading voice. The gut-wrenching callousness of the Midgar residents made the scene hit a lot harder as well as making Elmyra out to be even more of a goddamned saint. Again, another fantastic improvement over the original.
Looking Forward
Truthfully, I wish that I could say the good outweighs the bad. However, it just doesn’t at this point. The North Cave is going to be an overly-stretched out gauntlet that will water down any emotional impact to the story’s ending. Sephiroth’s so-called death will be left open-ended to leave room for the events of Advent Children, so the game’s closing won’t be nearly as satisfying. Also, Cloud vs Sephiroth has already been milked dry at this point.
The Highwind won’t be nearly as necessary given the invention of fast travel in modern gaming. Don’t get me wrong, it’ll still be present in the next part of the re-make, but it’ll just be a callback rather than a legitimate game feature. I’m gonna miss Fully-Fledged Pilot..
With that said, it won’t be all bad. The submarine was an optional yet super-fun part of the original that I genuinely look forward to playing whenever Part 3 comes out. The open world feature of the newer games would actually lend itself really well to this underwater environment. Hell, it could even beat Final Fantasy XV in this aspect!
I won’t lie, there’s one part of the game that I’m hype as fuck for. The prison-break sequence with Tifa and Barrett escaping from the Shinra gas chambers in Junon. The first two parts of the remake have handled time-pressure situations pretty well, so there’s cause for optimism here. There’s also the climatic ending of that arc that I personally can’t wait for; the Tifa vs Scarlett slap-fight on top of the barrel of Junon’s cannon. I’m praying to Bahamut that SquareEnix keeps the silly slap-fight minigame intact. The comedy of Tifa being a serious martial artist reduced to a romcom cat-fight was utterly hilarious in the original. Please don’t fuck this up, Mr. Nomura….
Overall rating; fuck this game and fuck your liver…
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