Recently I was watching the Nick Fuentes documentary, and he described being placed on a No-Fly list. While I understood intellectually the concept of it, I had a hard time justifying its existence for those not convicted of or charged with a crime. But that last part caught my differently working brain and it just wouldn’t let go. Instead of a No-Fly list for heinous convicts, what if we just did the opposite and ship them out of the country? Thus, I’d like to introduce the MEGA Agenda: Make Exile Great Again.
The Idea
The concept is simple enough; those convicted of especially heinous crimes or who would be serving what would effectively be a life sentence would be offered a choice by the judge. They would be able to opt to stay in America and serve their sentence in prison as they typically would have. Or, they can be exiled to a pre-determined nation of the judge’s choosing.
Upon exile, the convicted felon forfeits all citizenship and is forever barred from re-entry to the United States. Furthermore, they are placed on a sanctioned persons list, thus cutting off all economic access to any company in the United States or company looking for access to the US market. In case you haven’t noticed; this already exists, thus there would be no new law or department that would be needed in order to implement this idea. We could start implementing this idea tomorrow if we truly wanted to. Exiling convicts would also help in another key area; reducing costs. In case you haven’t noticed, keeping an inmate locked up is expensive, so being able to empty our prisons is a solid financial move
We here at espinola.blog love saying the quiet part out loud; I’m optimizing for the maximum suffering of the inmates when choosing where to send them to. The worse the quality of life there is upon arrival, the better. I’m also not asking these nations to give them any type of citizenship. Whatever happens to these shit-stains once they leave our borders is of no concern to us; that’s a feature of the idea, not a bug.
Parameters
Now, let’s get into some key destinations. It’s best to start a list of recommendations like this with some parameters to help keep us on track. A great first step is a harsh climate; the worse the better. Extreme temperatures and disastrous storms (hurricanes, tsunamis, tornados, et cetera) that occur on a regular basis make for great candidates. These countries have the added bonus of having unreliable infrastructure; rolling blackouts, roads that flood, and lack of plumbing are all great assets for a recipient nation. Lastly, physical distance from the United States is preferred; the further away, the better. Brownie points if there’s an ocean or geographic shield that discourages illegal re-entry to the United States
But culture matters just as much as physical attributes. Thus, countries with either a weak/corrupted court system or who harshly punish even petty crimes are also prime candidates to take our two-legged filth; nothing says punishment like induced red-tape limbo or losing a hand over stealing a candy bar. While not a hard requirement, a low prevalence of the English language is a positive attribute; can’t have the convicted felons integrate too easily with the locals, now can we? Another criterion is a developing economy where high skill jobs are scarce, thus leaving the convicted felon to toil away in some shoddy construction site or questionable sweatshop for 14 hours per day for pennies.
The Candidates
Starting off the list would be any of our Gulf allies; Saudi Arabia, the UAE, or Qatar. These countries check nearly all of the boxes for a great host nation. They are all so unbearably hot, and sandstorms are frequent in that part of the world. Foreign laborers in these countries are also kept in conditions that most liberals would protest if we subjected our inmates to, so there is plenty of opportunity for punishment. Those three nations also have a robust culture of actually punishing criminals. There’s a reason that one can leave a wallet unattended in these three capital cities and not worry about theft. Being an ocean and a continent away also makes them attractive options. And thanks to a recent nation of yamaka-wearing genociders picking an unwinnable fight with Iran, there’s a non-zero chance that the exiled dies in a missile strike. Their only drawback is there’s too much easily-accessible English language options, though that hardly detracts from the other positive assets the Gulf states have going for them.
The Philippines are another great candidate. Mix a miserably humid climate with a region of the world that is often pelted with devastating rainstorms, earthquakes, and volcanoes, and you’ve got a serious detriment to local infrastructure and quality of life. Speaking of geography, the sheer distance from the United States is a massive plus. The Philippines also have a robust culture of actually punishing criminals, even for minor offenses. The Philippines security situation aids in their status as a recipient nation; they face a persistent threat from Chinese Naval forces, thus there’s a low-but-plausible chance of being killed by Chinese lead-rain for the crime of acknowledging Taiwan. Throw in the fact that some regions of the Philippines have armed rebel factions running territory, and that’s a recipe for a poor quality of life for the exiled. The only negative is that English is a common language in the archipelago, but hey, there’s no such thing as a perfect solution, now is there?
Next is going to be a bit broad but Coastal sub-Saharan Africa. Along both coasts of Africa lie a plethora of US-friendly nations that have brutal climates and regimes that are even less forgiving. Niger jumps out at the top of the list on the West Coast, edging out Nigeria; Niger’s economy and education system are less developed, thus leading to fewer chances of non-back-breaking work. Niger also is much less stable from a security standpoint and the level of English is much spottier than its southern neighbor. The East Coast of Africa is no slouch either; Uganda and Kenya are top contenders for countries that take a Fuck Around and Find Out approach to rule-breakers. For fuck’s sake; Kenya sent cops to “help stabilize Haiti” so they couldn’t investigate their own crooked-ass government officials. Just think of what they’d do to a troublesome foreigner! English prevalence can be hit and miss in Africa, so our best bet would be to concentrate heavily on the former French colonies where English would be harder to find. Don’t piss off those hardcore Nigers (heehee, see what I did there?).
Ukraine: A culture of corruption that runs rampant mixed with punishing winters makes this Eastern European money-pit ally a true one-way getaway. Let’s not forget that liberals spent the entire Trump administration pre-Pandemic accusing the OrangeMan of bribing the Ukrainians into investigating Hunter Biden. That accusation carries the implied assertion that Ukraine’s government is easily bought; which it totally is. Their current leader is a tyrant who cancelled the election because it was too inconvenient, so the authoritarianism is real. This pick is further aided by the fact that the nation is still in a meat grinder of a war, thus the convict has a non-zero chance of having his lungs sponge up some Russian ammo. Ukraine’s restricted air travel market also makes traveling back to the United States extra-difficult. Seriously underrated criminal hellscape.
There are two selections that are bottom-tier options for similar reasons. First, we’ll start with El Salvador. Hot climate, several active volcanoes, poor infrastructure, and a self-proclaimed dictator who doesn’t take bullshit from criminals are all in the “Plus” category for this Central American gem. A scarcity of the English language is also a major plus for hobbling the convicted felons. The only thing that makes it a “Minus” is that there is no ocean separating us from the exiled convicted felon. Hence, it would be possible for the two-legged vermin to walk to the United States if they were determined enough to do so.
Venezuela has many of the same Pluses as El Salvador; unbearably hot climate, susceptible to extreme weather events, poor infrastructure, terrible economy, and a US-friendly regime that treats human rights as more guidelines than actual rules. Toss in a lack of English and you’ve got an appetizing pick for our new two-legged trash dump. It has the same Minus as El Salvador in that it has a possible two-legged trek back to the Promised Land. Except Venezuela has one geographic hedge against doing so; the Darien Gap. The dense jungle gap at the Panamanian-Colombian border is littered with life-threatening wildlife and is a haven for violent separatists and drug traffickers; these two factors discourage long romantic walks to the United States.
Closing Thoughts
I can hear the klopping of wedge-heels supporting too-much-weight drawing ever closer. “Dan!” Karen shrieks “You can’t just empty out your prisons and ship them off to other countries like that!” And to that I say; why the fuck not? In case you weren’t paying attention, other countries do it to us. Thus, I see zero ethical qualms against the practice.
And the thing about our allies listed above; should they refuse to accept our exiled inmates, then they would expose themselves as being pseudo-allies. They’d reveal themselves as feeling entitled to all of the benefits of a partnership with the United States, but would be unwilling to assist the Bald Eagle when called upon to do so. In case further convincing is needed, a savvy Uncle Sam (I know, I know… ) would demand that our so-called allies take these problem cases off of our hands or risk losing their precious partnerships and/or financial assistance. It’s called leverage, Karen; look it up.
The best part about this idea is that disagreeing with it is optically-poor. Here to further sell the idea is our trusty old friend Savvy PR Firm. Those who oppose the idea can easily be tarnished as opposing practical measures to improve public safety. Further dissenters can be smeared with the label of being soft on crime. Political figures or the wealthy who voice disagreement can have doubt cast on their intentions; do they want crime to remain high in their districts to justify more NGO/taxpayer money? Do they want a high occupancy rate in the Private Prison Industrial Complex?
“Let’s try the impossible because the possible just ain’t working”- Dwayne The Rock Johnson
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