Tucker Carlson recently had a monologue episode on his podcast. In it he revealed the ten values that, in his view, America should champion once more. Carlson struck a chord because nearly every right-of-center voice of influence was cheerleading the episode hard. Some even went a step further and said that this was Carlson soft-launching a run for the White House. And that last part is what triggered FutureSense.
Given my track record that has been independently confirmed by sources who disagree with me, allow me to stake another flag in the soft, fertile soil. Mark my words: Tucker Carlson will NOT be our next President. Let me say it again for those in the back who either weren’t paying attention or are mentally slow.
Tucker Carlson will NOT be our next President!!!!
Why The Wrong Consensus Got Popular
Have I made my claim clear enough? Good. Now allow me to explain. Unlike Gavin Newsom, Tucker Carlson would actually do quite well in his primary. Long gone is the Tucker Carlson who supported the invasion of Iraq; this new-and-improved Carlson now passionately advocates for staying out of other nations. Carlson has been an advocate for lowering federal spending, shutting off the goddamn money printers at the Federal Reserve, sexercising skepticism regarding blind loyalty to Israel, and a whole host of stances that are just completely fucking based. And the best part is that he delivers all of these takes in easily digestible and emotionally persuasive language. He’d honestly be the second coming of 2015 Donald Trump.
Carlson has already shown that he’d absolutely clean house in debates against the garden-variety Republicans. Take for example when he sat down with Ted Cruz last summer or Mike Huckabee earlier this year. Let’s not forget that he’d skewer most Democrats alive in such formats as well; he has decades of experience doing so.
Whether it’s by cultural winds shifting away from cancellation attempts or by his unwavering commitment to his words, Carlson is well-positioned to withstand any sort of public-relations storm that liberals would throw at him. I’ll admit, that’s a low bar; the best intellectual claim they’d lob at him is accusing him of white supremacy, which he’d shrug off and eviscerate their open-border policy stance like it were a Tuesday. Either way, Carlson would be much harder to press than a typical Republican establishment type. Carlson wouldn’t backpedal or apologize for spicy takes the way a swamp creature polished Republican would.
Why He Won’t Be President
So now that I’ve mentioned all of the reasons that Carlson would wreak absolute havoc on the campaign trail, let’s get to why it would never happen. Simply put; Carlson has absolutely zero interest in any part of the job. He has gone on record several times post-Fox stating his disinterest in the job. And this isn’t a performative lack of interest in the way that Gavin Newsom attempts to portray. No, Carlson’s apathy for the top job is not only authentic, it’s palpable. Truthfully, as someone who’s been listening to his podcast basically since inception, it’s clear as day that he isn’t interested.
In a way, Carlson has built a life that screams fuck off. His podcast studio (read: primary place of business) is a simple barn in Maine. He’s tech-avoidant to the point that his daily-driver for the longest time was an ‘87 Chevy pickup truck. He’s a major proponent of precious metals: not as an investment but as a hedge against data tracking and auditors. Honestly, he’s a larger-scale version of Adam Carolla: he’s built a pirate ship and gets to tell people he doesn’t like to basically fuck off (not explicitly, because Carlson’s too Christian for that kind of language).
Now contrast that with running for President. Even 2015 Donald Trump had to eventually apologize for an embarrassing leaked video and play the donor game. These two things are antithetical to telling everyone to pound sand. However, staying in his barn-bunker (anyone who believes that Carlson isn’t a prepper would probably fall for a Nigerian Prince email scam) and monologuing into the mic would allow him to do just that.
Honestly, Carlson seems happy as a clam with his current career choice. He has total autonomy over his time (the true measure of success) and the freedom to pursue whatever topic tickles his fancy that week. Running for President means giving up all of the perks of his current life that he clearly enjoys so much.
And he’s been so openly critical of those who seek power for its own sake-in a wise, older man kind of way that he’d gain nothing of value to him. Winning the Presidency means he lands a job that he’d wind up hating, and losing the Presidency could potentially torpedo his current podcast; a gig he seems to love more than any other.
Seriously, people: a little bit of game theory goes a long way…
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