I was putzing around on YouTube lately when I found a clip of a streamer reacting to a female teacher’s downfall. The female teacher was arrested on charges of having sex with a male student, who was underage. Now, unlike the cops from South Park, I’m actually willing to admit that this is a crime worthy of punishment. And like, actual fucking punishment, not a bunch of wrist-slaps. Thus, I’ll roll out a policy idea to help curtail the issue of female convicted pedophiles. Truthfully my policy idea is not all that complicated; We start locking female convicted pedophiles up in men’s prisons as general population inmates. Yes, you read that correctly. Yes, I’m serious.
Esteemed liberal puppet pundit John Oliver has spent a lot of breath on the topic of prisons, though one episode of his touched on solitary confinement and its harmful effects. And you know what? I agree with John Oliver (gasp!). Thus, during the convicted pedophiles sentence, she will not be placed into protective custody. Instead, she will serve her sentence in general population.
Naturally, her caloric intake will have to be constricted to less than what she’s used to as a free woman. The stated reason? Simple; food costs money, and prisons need to keep costs low; whether due to limited tax base (public prisons) or to maximize shareholder value (private prisons). Besides, the female body inherently requires less calories than that of a man.
Of course, she’ll have to be moved to a new cell frequently. Why? Simple, this is because as a sex criminal, she is a clear danger to society. The consequences of her escape are so dire that she needs to be moved to a new cell frequently to disorient her and prevent her from establishing a routine and casing the cadence of the guards. This is already standard practice; just ask El Chapo.
Naturally, she’ll have to be placed on birth control medication in order to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Why? Simple; babies born to imprisoned mothers are whisked away and placed into foster care shortly after their birth. An unwanted pregnancy in this post-Roe V Wade world means an eventual burden onto the already-strained foster care system. And if you think that prisons cannot force inmates to take medicines, think again.
Naturally, much like I’ve discussed before, we’ll have her star in a documentary about her experience behind bars and sharing a cell with multiple male inmates. This documentary will then be made a mandatory viewing for each K-12 teacher throughout America as part of sexual abuse prevention training. This is a necessary part of the process because the teaching profession is overwhelmingly female and hence it’s an audience that absolutely needs to hear the message.
The Quiet Part Out Loud
Alright, let’s drop the pretenses, because we here at espinola.blog say the quiet part out loud. She’ll be required to share a cell with male inmates for a reason. The female convicted pedophile being sexually assaulted by male inmates is not a bug of this program; it’s the whole fucking point. The convicted pedophilewill be a constant cocksleeve as she will be utterly defenseless to prevent the one-way-luvins from her vaginally-starved male inmates.
As for her frequent rotations to new cells? Well, frankly the prevention of her digging a tunnel, hiding in a laundry chute or other ways of escape are just a by-product. The real goal is so that she’ll be passed around to as many male inmates as possible; everyone gets a turn with the sentient feminine fleshlight. It would be frankly unfair that luck of the draw or internal corruption meant that only a small handful of inmates got their turn with raping the convicted pedophile.
As for the requirement of birth control, there is another simple reason beyond the one mentioned earlier. An accidental pregnancy would be unwanted…by her fellow inmates. Her fellow inmate would likely not want a swollen, weight gaining cum-dump killing the sexual tension in the air. Rather, she would be kept on the pill in order for her to remain a delectable buffet to her starving male inmates.
Ditto for the food consumption. She’s not there to gain weight and become an unattractive hog for her fellow inmates. She’s there to be kept as tempting as possible within the budgetary constraints of the prison. Thus, cutting the food intake to barely above basal metabolic rate for the convicted pedophile is warranted.
Attack of the Karens
Believe it or not, some people might have grievances against this idea. As in classic espinola.blog tradition, we’ll address the radicalized, misguided, and downright dumb arguments that Karens will inevitably make. Speaking of, the sound of wedge-heels under too-much strain klopping draws ever closer.
“Dan!” Karen shrieks “You can’t use sexual assault as an indirect punishment for those convicted of sexual assault. It’s utterly immoral!” Well Karen, you’re half-correct; it is utterly immoral. However, you’re wrong in the fact that we cannot use a state-sanctioned version of the crime to punish said crime. After all, numerous states have the death penalty for murderers. And as for sexual assault: convicted pedophiles being raped in prison is an accepted fact. Not only is it a standard practice, it’s downright laughed about in our pop culture. So yeah, Karen gets a big fuck outta here with that 75 IQ argument.
Karen crushes the paper cup of her $7 Starbucks milkshake coffee as she grinds her teeth while she scrambles to make her next point. “Well Dan, you can’t simply just put mixed genders in the same cell like that. There’s no precedent supporting it!” Aaaand, that’s where you’re wrong again, Karen. See, thanks to all of the two-legged sheep during the Woke era, mixed gender cellmates are a thing in progressive states such as California. Liberals were the ones who opened this Pandora’s Box, I’m simply using the tools that resulted from it. Besides, if liberals started opposing the concept now, they risk being labeled by their fellow libtards as uncommitted, and we all know what that means.
“Dan!” Karen stomps her overpriced Gucci heel “This is so un-feminist!” Wrong again, sweetie. The definition of feminism is equality across the genders. Thus, subjecting the convicted pedophile to constant sexual assault from male inmates is actually shockingly equal. I’m willing to punish women the same way I’d punish a man for a heinous and morally disgusting crime. Thus, I’d argue that this is the most feminist way of solving this problem. True equality.
Getting This Enacted
As mentioned before, this idea requires no new employees to be hired, technology to be invented, or laws to be passed. Thus, we could hypothetically start invoking this tomorrow if we truly wanted to. But for the sake of argument, I’ll concede that this idea might need a bit of salesmanship. Thus, we’ll bring in an old friend of the blog; Savvy PR Firm.
The first order of business for the firm will be to smear anybody who opposes this idea. The most obvious and low-hanging fruit is labelling opponents as being soft on convicted pedophiles. That is a reputation that absolutely no sensible judge or lawmaker wants to have connected to their name; it’s practically a career-ender in all but the most Woke of districts. Think of the kids, damn it!
But for the deepest of Blue battlegrounds, a different approach is needed. Using the language of equal punishments for equal crimes is important because it appropriates the culture of criminal justice reform. Smear a far-left Democrat as opposing equal punishments for equal crimes and watch their Black voter base evaporate almost immediately. After all, liberals are the ones who adamantly screech about implicit bias in sentencing across convicts of differing immutable characteristics. Liberals don’t want to be labeled as hypocrites…riiiiight?
Those who continue to oppose the measure will need to be further listed as anti-feminist. While liberal shitholes districts may tolerate being soft on crime, they absolutely punish bucking third wave feminism. After all, a woman can do anything a man can do, amirite? *nudge nudge*. Discrimination based off of gender is wrong, riiiiight? And no self-respecting feminist would let that appalling miscarriage of justice stand. Bonus points to any reader who points out in the comments section the logical fallacy I just intentionally weaponized in that last sentence; Savvy PR Firm is about rhetoric, not debate.
Reject double standards; embrace true feminism.
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